To race or not to race? Ask Grandma Roza!


1669926_634043776666491_1727045708_oDuring the famous Melbourne Grand Prix at Albert Park the following talk was ‘overheard’ at the Montefiore Aged Care lounge room:

Grandma Roza: Shimonke, what’s this noise out there? Have they opened a new dentistry around the corner? Oy, gevalt!*
Simon: No, Grandma Roza. It’s the famous Grand Prix happening just five minutes away from here. Don’t you watch the news?

Grandma Roza (with self-respect): I do watch the news. All the soap operas and gardening shows. I haven’t heard anything about this ‘Grand Prix’ so far. But where are they rushing like meshigenes*, may I ask? I mean, it’s not like we have a deficit in Australia like we did back in Russia… You know, in those days we were up at 5am to buy bread. And here in Australia shops are open till late!

Simon: Grandma Roza, they are doing it for fun. It’s a competition: whoever hits the finish line first is the winner.
Grandma Roza: Nureshkayt!* Do you really think that winning is about wearing dirty, dusty clothes and shaking like a kapores chicken*? Nah… Listen to Grandma Roza, she’s been around for a while; A true winner is the guy who managed to convince these fools to buy the tickets to this cheap village race!

Simon: It’s not cheap at all. You won’t believe how expensive each racing car is! Have a guess, Grandma Roza!
Grandma Roza: Why would I even think about that? Do you think about the prices of medicine like I do? And let me tell you – it’s not cheap either!
Simon: Each car costs MIIIIIIILIONS of dollars. What would you say to that?

Grandma Roza (after a moment): I would say the world has gone nuts. Why would one even consider buying such an expensive car and then ruin it within minutes? Go in circles, back and forth, back and forth, just like my Mottl on our wedding day when he lost our paperwork, may he be blessed for long and healthy years. What a shlemazl! Oy vey!*  But that’s not the point.

A car like this must be polished and kept in a locked garage with a notice: “Don’t dare to touch!” And maybe, one day, your kids or grandkids would be allowed to have a ride… As for you – better you use a tram.

Simon: A tram??

Grandma Roza: Exactly. Firstly, it’s much cheaper. And secondly – it’s comfortable. Imagine, you sit in front of a window, staring outside, talking to other passengers. Amechaye!* And now imagine racing. All you get is dust, noise and a headache!
Simon: But what about the wind of freedom? The lightness and the power of one’s hands? Do you understand?

Grandma Roza: Veizmir! Gottenu!* Of course, I understand. I remember when my Mottl was taken away by this very wind of freedom and I found him next to this yenta* from across the road! And the power of my hands smacking him all over his back.
Simon: But… Grandma Roza! Racing is a sport! It’s about adrenaline… Try to understand.

Grandma Roza: No, no and no! You’ll never convince me. I believe in chess and poker. At least it helps fight dementia. And it’s much safer for the environment. You are too young to understand these simple things, my dear Shimonke.
Simon: I got it! I’ll go grab the cards.
Gradma Roza: My boy! I always say – no matter how young you are, you are truly wise. My only hope…

—————–

*Oy gevalt! – Oh, goodness! (Yiddish)

* Meshigenes – Crazy people (Yidish, Hebrew)

* Nurishkeyt – Nonsence (Yiddish)

* Kapores chicken – In the Jewish religious practice of Kapparot, a chicken is swung around one’s head before Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement (Wikipedia)

* Shlemazl – Unlucky person who fails in everything he tries to do

* Oy vey! – oh my! (Yiddsh)

* Veizmir! Gottenu! – Oh my G-d! (Yiddish)

*Yenta – gossiper, meddlesome, busybody, nuisance (Yiddish)

 

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Categories: Age difference, creative writing, family, humour, immigration, Young and old | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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